Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
