I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
