im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
even my farts smell like vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
