# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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