Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
