i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
