ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
