Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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