Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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