She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
