just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
