I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
