the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
