I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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