he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
