did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
