Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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