He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
