She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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