So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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