Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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