His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
