some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
