She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
