My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
