Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
