Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
