bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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