so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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