Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
