Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
