normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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