mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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