god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
