Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
