i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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