The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
