A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
