My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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