you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
