I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
