marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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