I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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