did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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