Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
