he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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