If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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