Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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