Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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