yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
