we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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